Hello. Geroge Osborne here again.

I’ll be honest, it’s taken me ages to type my first name just now, the trouble is it’s a really easy name to type out wrong. I’ve been staring at it for hours and even now I’m not entirely sure it’s right. Sometimes I wish I’d stuck with Gideiyon.

Kicking myself for allowing laymen to remove ALL the windows in my home before realizing they didn’t have any new ones to put in. The house has been literally shitting heat since. I hope they come back before it gets dark.

As if that wasn’t enough I’ve had a run in with Ed Balls. After our usual pithy exchange in the commons he cornered me in the toilet post wee, while I was reading a Zumba flyer. He told me I had no idea how real people live, to which I quickly came back with ‘No YOU’VE no idea how real people live’.

Things got heated (unlike the rooms in my house) and to cut a long story short he bet me I couldn’t survive one day on a pound and with only a blanket to keep me warm. A bet I heartily agreed to.

Here’s how I’ve got on:
8.00am: Awoken by cold but didn’t waste money putting heat on. Blanket an absolute godsend.

8.15am. Washed and combed self. Being poor is no excuse for letting yourself go. Look at Top Cat!

9.15am Driven to offices in Beamer. It’s on account which doesn’t infringe on the bet… unable to tip driver though. Uh-Oh!

10.00am Watched William Hague murder a quesadilla in commons refectory. Must eat something. Blanket an absolute godsend.

10.55am AAAAAARGH Todays Groupon Deal is a gold pass at Thorpe Park for just £17.50! Absolute DOUBLE BASTARD!

1.30pm Hallucinated that Ken Clarke was a Quiche.

2.15pm Staggered into commons refectory and threw my pound in vending machine. Machine dispensed metal coil but bizarrely not Peanut M&Ms. Cried.

2.22pm Caught by Dave Cameron leaning into a plate of gourmet sausages I paid for on Gold Card. OOOF! He knows about the bet! He’s promised not so say anything because he knows I saw him eat a swan once and doesn’t want me to tell his great pal Wills.

2.37pm Made to sign a document to the effect that I can no longer hold the swan thing over Dave. Am now completely out of political ammo.

3.00pm Still at work. Feel so low. If only I could think of some way of doing something intimately pleasing without anyone noticing.

3.05pm Blanket an absolute godsend.

Best,
Geroge (Osborne).